Have Nurse Will Travel

I remember thinking that the poem, Millie's Mother's Red Dress, applied to mom. Yesterday I saw her selflessness first hand. Around noon she started to have some intense pain in her legs. She was moving them around and sobbing. Fortunately we had just gotten some stronger pain medication, which I gave her. I was sitting next to her rubbing her legs and she was just sobbing. My good friend, Dyan, stoppd by and Mom just sobbed and sobbed. Cameron walked in and came over to say hi. She immediately put on a stoic face and smiled at him. She always has something to say to him, but she just can't get it all out. When he left to go get the heating pad, she began to sob again. When he came back with the heating pad, she stopped and smiled, a painful smile. It was obvious she didn't want to upset him by seeing her in pain. I just find it remarkable that this woman, who can't remember how to eat, use the bathroom or even talk, remembers how to put others feeling

There hasn't been much to post lately about mom. She has mostly good days and says funny stuff, but I forget what she says. Kind of like when the kids were little and I thought I would remember the cute things they would say. Her only down day was yesterday, the 26th. She was sobbing and crying throughout most of the day. And she wanted to go to bed really early. Today she woke up smiling and laughing and has been laughing ever since. She has been shooting off the sentences too. Tonight when I feeding her dinner she was laughing so hard I had to tell her not to choke. "I'll try not to" she replied. I'm glad she has more of the good days then the bad. It's been a fun Christmas with her here.

Just so you guys know, the day after her apparent stroke Mom was doing great. She was a little quiet in the morning, but by the early afternoon she was quite chatty. Cameron was home because he had been to an orthodontist appointment and this is what she said to him. "How is this good young man? Do you have good things going? We're happy to have you here. You are so cute. What a cutie." OK. She was having a really good day. Most of you know that she hasn't said more than 1 or 2 words together in awhile. But every once in a while she gets a sentence out, sometimes 2 or 3 sentences. Mostly she just gets frustrated as she's trying to get a word out and then gives up and says, "Anyway."

Yes, it is just as it sounds. Mom and I were watching tv tonight after dinner. Becky had just called to see how mom was doing when all of a sudden Mom seemed be having a seizure. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling and she didn't respond to me at all. I was calling her name, yelling for Scott and tried to calmly tell Becky I would call her right back. I know this is coming, but I wasn't ready for it right then, not so sudden. As we wheeled her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed, I was sure she was going. Even Scott said it looked like she was leaving us. Her sweet face was so white. But once we got her in bed she responded better. I tucked her in and just rubbed her for awhile. She was able to say a few words, and she started crying. I, of course, was already sobbing. Now that I have had a trial run, I will try to be more calm when she goes. I will try to make her last moments here peaceful and quiet. Something like newborn babies birthing into a pool of warm,

On Friday the Harp Therapist came over to visit. Originally I had not requested her to come, but Scott took the phone call and set up the visit. She came with an Irish harp that she could hold on her lap, although it still seemed fairly large. Mom really seemed to enjoy the music and the visit. She kept trying to say something, but couldn't really get anything out. This woman has her degree in public health and told me how music is really helpful in creating connections to memories and feelings. It was obvious the music itself wasn't going to inspire anything. Seriously, there were several notes way off tune. But Heidi kept playing and singing and Mom enjoyed it. Madeline plays the piano a lot for mom, and of course Scott always has Christmas music playing in the front room. However yesterday during ward choir practice (it's at our house) Mom was so touched by the Christmas music that she was sobbing the whole time. She may not be able to communicate very well, but

Today I had Isabell help me carry the TV upstairs. We plugged in theWii, found Netflix and watched the first 2 seasons of the Dick Van Dyke Show. Mom loved it and we both spent the afternoon laughing and laughing. It was a good day, plus she didn't cry when we put her to bed. Season 3, we will see you tomorrow.

The hardest part of my day with Mom is bedtime. It seems to be the most stressful for her. Most nights when we get her in bed, she always cries. I have been fretting over what it is that bothers her. Is she in pain as we move her to bed? Is she afraid of being all alone in her room? Well tonight she was finally able to tell me. As Madeline and I lifted her into the bed, and she did her usual moaning, she turned her head and kissed me on the neck. Then as we were rolling her back and forth getting her all ready, she said, "I am so grateful." She rarely says anything anymore, but she was finally able to tell us why she cries at night. For a woman who has always done so much for everyone, it is very difficult to have people do everything for her. I reminded her that she had to change diapers for 7, while we only have to do it for 1 sweet, beautiful lady. Then we turned out the light, left her room, and I cried some more.

I guess I haven't been around that many old people with dementia. But from what all the nurses and aids tell me, mom is just the sweetest lady they have seen. Just this morning, Marie asked me if she was just this happy her whole life. I guess. And seeing her throughout the whole day, she does have times where she cries. I can't tell if she's sad or scared. But it seems to be when you are doing things for her, and she definitely was use to being the one that did everything for everyone else. Remember Millie's Mother's Red Dress? Last night when I was getting her all tucked into bed I was asking her if that was good. I had her rolled over on her side, the blankets all tucked in to hold her in place. She doesn't really say, but I was asking anyway, "Is that good?" And she replies, "That is very good." She is so sweet. I left the room and cried.

I was thinking last night, when mom was being so sweet, that I should write down the things she does and says so that I remember them. Kind of like when my kids were little and I had a book of quotes or funny things they did. At least I did for the big girls, but as usual didn't keep up with it. I hope this time with mom is a good one for our family and we remember what a blessing it is to have her in our home and be able to share our love and care with her. One night Isabell had the music going in the front room and was dancing around for Grandma. Grandma loves to see the kids and they are really good at entertaining her. Now, she hasn't been able to talk too much for a long time. She does try sometimes, but she can only get a few words out at a time. "I love you" is her most common phrase. But watching Isabell dance around she managed to say, "If that's something you want to do, then it is ok."