Have Nurse Will Travel

The past couple of weeks mom's pain has gotten worse. We had her on Lor Tab for a couple of weeks, but have just moved to Morphine the past couple of days. In the morning it is her shoulder that aches. The rest of the time she aches in her legs and hips. Of course I am mostly guessing since she can't really tell me what hurts. Not that it matters, pain is pain. Last Sunday night she actually woke up from her sleep crying out in pain. She was really hard to settle down, so Scott and our great neighbor, Jim, gave her a blessing. She actually said, "Amen". So sweet. Yesterday she slept nearly all day, which means she only ate a little oatmeal and a small can of mandarin oranges. She's not eating much anyway and is really losing weight fast. I love singing to her. My favorite song is Poor Wayfaring Stranger. The words are beautiful and I hope helps her find some comfort right now.

It has been a rough couple of days for Mom. She seems to be in more pain lately. The hard thing is she can't really tell me all the time. I can see her wince, but when I ask her she says, "No". Tonight I gave her some medicine and then was trying to get her to eat a little. She started crying and I said, "No crying Mom. You can't eat and cry at the same time." To which she replied, "I'm sorry. I'm trying to do what's right." We both cried a lot tonight.

Yesterday mom was in a serious fiesty mood. She refused to eat breakfast or drink any juice. But her OCD gets the best of her and she has to pick up and eat the pieces of waffle I lay next to her plate on the placemat. I haven't seen her like this in like.....ever. "Do you want some juice?" "No." "Eat a bite of waffle." "No." "Are you feeling a little fiesty today?" "Yes!" The thing about dementia is that she took a little nap and woke up forgetting that she was feeling fiesty.

I remember thinking that the poem, Millie's Mother's Red Dress, applied to mom. Yesterday I saw her selflessness first hand. Around noon she started to have some intense pain in her legs. She was moving them around and sobbing. Fortunately we had just gotten some stronger pain medication, which I gave her. I was sitting next to her rubbing her legs and she was just sobbing. My good friend, Dyan, stoppd by and Mom just sobbed and sobbed. Cameron walked in and came over to say hi. She immediately put on a stoic face and smiled at him. She always has something to say to him, but she just can't get it all out. When he left to go get the heating pad, she began to sob again. When he came back with the heating pad, she stopped and smiled, a painful smile. It was obvious she didn't want to upset him by seeing her in pain. I just find it remarkable that this woman, who can't remember how to eat, use the bathroom or even talk, remembers how to put others feeling ...

There hasn't been much to post lately about mom. She has mostly good days and says funny stuff, but I forget what she says. Kind of like when the kids were little and I thought I would remember the cute things they would say. Her only down day was yesterday, the 26th. She was sobbing and crying throughout most of the day. And she wanted to go to bed really early. Today she woke up smiling and laughing and has been laughing ever since. She has been shooting off the sentences too. Tonight when I feeding her dinner she was laughing so hard I had to tell her not to choke. "I'll try not to" she replied. I'm glad she has more of the good days then the bad. It's been a fun Christmas with her here.

Just so you guys know, the day after her apparent stroke Mom was doing great. She was a little quiet in the morning, but by the early afternoon she was quite chatty. Cameron was home because he had been to an orthodontist appointment and this is what she said to him. "How is this good young man? Do you have good things going? We're happy to have you here. You are so cute. What a cutie." OK. She was having a really good day. Most of you know that she hasn't said more than 1 or 2 words together in awhile. But every once in a while she gets a sentence out, sometimes 2 or 3 sentences. Mostly she just gets frustrated as she's trying to get a word out and then gives up and says, "Anyway."

Yes, it is just as it sounds. Mom and I were watching tv tonight after dinner. Becky had just called to see how mom was doing when all of a sudden Mom seemed be having a seizure. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling and she didn't respond to me at all. I was calling her name, yelling for Scott and tried to calmly tell Becky I would call her right back. I know this is coming, but I wasn't ready for it right then, not so sudden. As we wheeled her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed, I was sure she was going. Even Scott said it looked like she was leaving us. Her sweet face was so white. But once we got her in bed she responded better. I tucked her in and just rubbed her for awhile. She was able to say a few words, and she started crying. I, of course, was already sobbing. Now that I have had a trial run, I will try to be more calm when she goes. I will try to make her last moments here peaceful and quiet. Something like newborn babies birthing into a pool of warm,...