Have Nurse Will Travel

Monday was a fun day for mom. Louise and Dave came by to visit and then Robby stopped by. She didn't eat anything all day, but she did have a little juice. She was pretty out of it most of the day, but didn't sleep until the afternoon. And she still manages a smile now and then. This morning she woke up on her own and was smiling and trying to tell me things. How I wish I knew what those things were. I only gave her Lor tab this morning, with instructions to the aide that we could give her morphine if she seemed to be in too much pain. Megan said she moved very easily and did really well. I was thinking that maybe she would eat a little bit if she wasn't so drugged up. Not the case. I tried some yogurt and then some ensure shake, which she just let fall out of her mouth. She's all cleaned up now, with new clothes and just smiling at whoever walks by. I guess she is just not going to eat anymore.

It was a pretty busy weekend here at our house. Madeline & Isabell had their first dates. Uncle Brian came to see his parents, who are here visiting and Joanie drove up to see mom! Both Friday and Saturday Mom slept most of the day. She only has eaten a few bits of yogurt and a few sips of ensure shakes. I'm not sure why, but she holds the food or drink in her mouth and doesn't swallow. Sometimes it will sit in her mouth for a few minutes. She really enjoyed Joanie's visit. I think maybe Joanie thought Mom wouldn't recognize her, but boy did she ever. It was sweet to watch Mom smile at her and she even said her name! Now we know where Joanie rates, up there with Kathy. Today (sunday) she has been sleeping most of the day. We get a smile now and then, and whenever she wakes up a little we try to get her to eat or drink something. She ate almost a whole yogurt from Amelia.

Yesterday was full of ups and downs. She woke up happy. She ate a whole bowl of oatmeal for breakfast. But then I was pushing her over to her recliner and she leaned out to grab the arm of the recliner and she fell out of the wheel chair. Yikes! With Scott's help we got her into the recliner. She wasn't hurt, but a little shaky. The good thing is she shortly forgot what had happened. She rested comfortably until early afternoon when her legs started to hurt. She went from sleeping to sobbing in a matter of minutes. More morphine. Then more Lortab. More sobbing. By early evening she was feeling better and ate 2 yogurts! She was laughing and giggling so I snapped a few pictures. Once she even winked at me. I followed the same evening routine. 45 minutes before bed Lortab. Then right before she gets morphine. But when I went to move her she was still really hurting. She was up until after 11 in pain. Every hour between 8 and 11 I gave her more morphine . She w...

Good days have been followed by bad days. Yesterday Mom had a yeast infection and a new bed sore. She didn't want to eat. She still smiles, but was very calm and serious. This morning, as most mornings, she had a lot of pain from her shoulder. Her hand is still swollen. She is only eating a little yogurt and ensure. But she seems in good spirits today. It's hard to say. She really livens up when the kids get home.

The past few days Mom has been really good. Such a contrast to last week where I thought for sure she was on her way out. I think I've figured out how to keep her pain under control. She is talking a lot more again and smiling and seems pretty happy. This morning I asked her if she wanted her blanket on, of course as I was laying it across her lap. Then she said, "Nope. I don't want it." She definitely knows what she wants so it must be very frustrating for her not to be able to express that. I'm just glad she is doing better. She actually went to bed last night without crying at all! Isabell says it was because she was helping. Silly songs and stories did help keep mom distracted. She is still not eating very much. And mostly she eats soft foods. She has difficulty chewing so we are keeping the food easy to eat. As most of you know, the food part of this is the most challenging to me. But we keep a steady supply of yogurt and bananas going.

The past couple of weeks mom's pain has gotten worse. We had her on Lor Tab for a couple of weeks, but have just moved to Morphine the past couple of days. In the morning it is her shoulder that aches. The rest of the time she aches in her legs and hips. Of course I am mostly guessing since she can't really tell me what hurts. Not that it matters, pain is pain. Last Sunday night she actually woke up from her sleep crying out in pain. She was really hard to settle down, so Scott and our great neighbor, Jim, gave her a blessing. She actually said, "Amen". So sweet. Yesterday she slept nearly all day, which means she only ate a little oatmeal and a small can of mandarin oranges. She's not eating much anyway and is really losing weight fast. I love singing to her. My favorite song is Poor Wayfaring Stranger. The words are beautiful and I hope helps her find some comfort right now.

It has been a rough couple of days for Mom. She seems to be in more pain lately. The hard thing is she can't really tell me all the time. I can see her wince, but when I ask her she says, "No". Tonight I gave her some medicine and then was trying to get her to eat a little. She started crying and I said, "No crying Mom. You can't eat and cry at the same time." To which she replied, "I'm sorry. I'm trying to do what's right." We both cried a lot tonight.

Yesterday mom was in a serious fiesty mood. She refused to eat breakfast or drink any juice. But her OCD gets the best of her and she has to pick up and eat the pieces of waffle I lay next to her plate on the placemat. I haven't seen her like this in like.....ever. "Do you want some juice?" "No." "Eat a bite of waffle." "No." "Are you feeling a little fiesty today?" "Yes!" The thing about dementia is that she took a little nap and woke up forgetting that she was feeling fiesty.

I remember thinking that the poem, Millie's Mother's Red Dress, applied to mom. Yesterday I saw her selflessness first hand. Around noon she started to have some intense pain in her legs. She was moving them around and sobbing. Fortunately we had just gotten some stronger pain medication, which I gave her. I was sitting next to her rubbing her legs and she was just sobbing. My good friend, Dyan, stoppd by and Mom just sobbed and sobbed. Cameron walked in and came over to say hi. She immediately put on a stoic face and smiled at him. She always has something to say to him, but she just can't get it all out. When he left to go get the heating pad, she began to sob again. When he came back with the heating pad, she stopped and smiled, a painful smile. It was obvious she didn't want to upset him by seeing her in pain. I just find it remarkable that this woman, who can't remember how to eat, use the bathroom or even talk, remembers how to put others feeling ...

There hasn't been much to post lately about mom. She has mostly good days and says funny stuff, but I forget what she says. Kind of like when the kids were little and I thought I would remember the cute things they would say. Her only down day was yesterday, the 26th. She was sobbing and crying throughout most of the day. And she wanted to go to bed really early. Today she woke up smiling and laughing and has been laughing ever since. She has been shooting off the sentences too. Tonight when I feeding her dinner she was laughing so hard I had to tell her not to choke. "I'll try not to" she replied. I'm glad she has more of the good days then the bad. It's been a fun Christmas with her here.

Just so you guys know, the day after her apparent stroke Mom was doing great. She was a little quiet in the morning, but by the early afternoon she was quite chatty. Cameron was home because he had been to an orthodontist appointment and this is what she said to him. "How is this good young man? Do you have good things going? We're happy to have you here. You are so cute. What a cutie." OK. She was having a really good day. Most of you know that she hasn't said more than 1 or 2 words together in awhile. But every once in a while she gets a sentence out, sometimes 2 or 3 sentences. Mostly she just gets frustrated as she's trying to get a word out and then gives up and says, "Anyway."

Yes, it is just as it sounds. Mom and I were watching tv tonight after dinner. Becky had just called to see how mom was doing when all of a sudden Mom seemed be having a seizure. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling and she didn't respond to me at all. I was calling her name, yelling for Scott and tried to calmly tell Becky I would call her right back. I know this is coming, but I wasn't ready for it right then, not so sudden. As we wheeled her to the bedroom and laid her on the bed, I was sure she was going. Even Scott said it looked like she was leaving us. Her sweet face was so white. But once we got her in bed she responded better. I tucked her in and just rubbed her for awhile. She was able to say a few words, and she started crying. I, of course, was already sobbing. Now that I have had a trial run, I will try to be more calm when she goes. I will try to make her last moments here peaceful and quiet. Something like newborn babies birthing into a pool of warm,...

On Friday the Harp Therapist came over to visit. Originally I had not requested her to come, but Scott took the phone call and set up the visit. She came with an Irish harp that she could hold on her lap, although it still seemed fairly large. Mom really seemed to enjoy the music and the visit. She kept trying to say something, but couldn't really get anything out. This woman has her degree in public health and told me how music is really helpful in creating connections to memories and feelings. It was obvious the music itself wasn't going to inspire anything. Seriously, there were several notes way off tune. But Heidi kept playing and singing and Mom enjoyed it. Madeline plays the piano a lot for mom, and of course Scott always has Christmas music playing in the front room. However yesterday during ward choir practice (it's at our house) Mom was so touched by the Christmas music that she was sobbing the whole time. She may not be able to communicate very well, but...

Today I had Isabell help me carry the TV upstairs. We plugged in theWii, found Netflix and watched the first 2 seasons of the Dick Van Dyke Show. Mom loved it and we both spent the afternoon laughing and laughing. It was a good day, plus she didn't cry when we put her to bed. Season 3, we will see you tomorrow.

The hardest part of my day with Mom is bedtime. It seems to be the most stressful for her. Most nights when we get her in bed, she always cries. I have been fretting over what it is that bothers her. Is she in pain as we move her to bed? Is she afraid of being all alone in her room? Well tonight she was finally able to tell me. As Madeline and I lifted her into the bed, and she did her usual moaning, she turned her head and kissed me on the neck. Then as we were rolling her back and forth getting her all ready, she said, "I am so grateful." She rarely says anything anymore, but she was finally able to tell us why she cries at night. For a woman who has always done so much for everyone, it is very difficult to have people do everything for her. I reminded her that she had to change diapers for 7, while we only have to do it for 1 sweet, beautiful lady. Then we turned out the light, left her room, and I cried some more.

I guess I haven't been around that many old people with dementia. But from what all the nurses and aids tell me, mom is just the sweetest lady they have seen. Just this morning, Marie asked me if she was just this happy her whole life. I guess. And seeing her throughout the whole day, she does have times where she cries. I can't tell if she's sad or scared. But it seems to be when you are doing things for her, and she definitely was use to being the one that did everything for everyone else. Remember Millie's Mother's Red Dress? Last night when I was getting her all tucked into bed I was asking her if that was good. I had her rolled over on her side, the blankets all tucked in to hold her in place. She doesn't really say, but I was asking anyway, "Is that good?" And she replies, "That is very good." She is so sweet. I left the room and cried.

I was thinking last night, when mom was being so sweet, that I should write down the things she does and says so that I remember them. Kind of like when my kids were little and I had a book of quotes or funny things they did. At least I did for the big girls, but as usual didn't keep up with it. I hope this time with mom is a good one for our family and we remember what a blessing it is to have her in our home and be able to share our love and care with her. One night Isabell had the music going in the front room and was dancing around for Grandma. Grandma loves to see the kids and they are really good at entertaining her. Now, she hasn't been able to talk too much for a long time. She does try sometimes, but she can only get a few words out at a time. "I love you" is her most common phrase. But watching Isabell dance around she managed to say, "If that's something you want to do, then it is ok."

All of my plants have grown! Some are almost a foot tall already! Now I just have to wait until it gets warmer to plant them outside. The Radishes sprouted first, and then the Butternut Squash. After that I lost track, but I know the cilantro sprouted last.

Today I started my garden. I planted Radishes, Onions, Cilantro, Swiss chard, Zucchini squash, Lettuce, Beans, Butternut squash, and cabbage. Now I just have to wait until they grow.

So April has always been one of my favorite months.   OK, so it is my birthday month, but this year there has been a different reason why I love April.  Visitors!  Out of the past 28 days, we have had visitors for 17 days.  First, I brought Mom over to see Isabell's play and be here for her 79th brithday party.  Then,  Joanie came from Durango for Mom's birthday party.  Kathy, John, Josh and Hannah came for the party from San Diego.  Matt and Rachel drove down from Idaho for the big party.  Then Mom, Matt and Rachel left and the Rennie's came from Cape Cod.  After 6 days the Mendenhall's left.  Then Matt and Rachel came back the following weekend.  The Rennie's left on Sunday and the younger Mendenhalls left on Monday.  Ten days of quiet before Susie came for 5 days.   I love company.  We took the Mendenhalls riding and had so much fun.  Josh held on when his horse took off.  Way to go.   Everyone loved Isabell's play.  Matt and Rachel love to play games! We pla...